So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
