Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
