No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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