Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
