He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
