my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Why are your pants in the freezer?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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