We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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