So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
