And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Need sex. Gaining weight.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
