these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
