so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
