i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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