Where are you?
In a non slutty way
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
operation have a gay friend backfired
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
