she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
