how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
