I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
