He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
