the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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