if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
