I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
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