i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
