letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
