My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
