I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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