you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
