I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
