Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
