i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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