Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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