If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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