so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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