pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
