I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
