Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
