Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
