i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Dick very happy bro
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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