idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
