he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
