Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
