dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
