Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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