i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
