At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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