I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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