woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
