There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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