The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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