I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
