my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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