I swear she didn't look like that last week.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
