I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
