hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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