Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
